• Jessica Kunamalla

THE PERFECT AGE TO HAVE A BABY

Starting a family is a really big decision! There is so much responsibility that comes along with having a baby. So how do you know when you're the right age to consider it? I'm not here to talk about the health benefits of having a baby at a younger age or the stability of having a baby later on in life, while both are important decision factors. I'm here to talk about what is the right age for you and your partner to discuss and consider having a baby and how I knew. I always thought I wanted to be a young mom. Actually, I always thought that I would be married at 21 and having kids by 23. ​ LOL- I can't even imagine little college me running around with a baby bump!

Flash forward and I became more realistic with age. I graduated college at 22, was engaged at 23, married at 24, and pregnant at 25. The last few years were certainly a whirlwind, but I wouldn't have it any other way.  Drew and I were originally planning on waiting at least one year of being married before we started trying, but God had a plan of his own (and also I wasn't on birth control lol oops). However, I did find myself looking at women around me and wondering...am I too young to be having a baby?? My sister was married at 28 and pregnant at 30. All of Drew's friends are either recently married or if they have been married for a few years, they are now having babies/getting pregnant in their 30's. Meanwhile, my friends are still in grad school, starting new relationships, and occasionally blacking out on the weekends.  A long time ago, there used to be pressure for women to have babies right after getting married, very young. Now, I feel like there's the opposite societal pressure, like you're doing something wrong if you settle down too early and don't "discover" yourself. I can't pinpoint how I got this idea in my head, but started to feel like I had gotten pregnant too early - before I could establish my career, explore the world, enjoy my marriage. A little bit of anxiety settled in making me question if I was ready to be a mom and raise a child.  I felt like I was in this weird place of feeling ready and wanting to start a family, yet on the other-hand, I had only been married for 2 weeks when we found out. I already felt older than my friends being the first to get married. I wanted to experience married life, and still feel young at the same time - go out on the weekends, travel whenever I want, be selfish, etc. Finding out we were pregnant at first made me feel like all of that was over. To a lot of people, it is over when they have a baby and maybe that is why a lot of people wait. Drew and I decided that we're starting a family, but we're not going to let it completely change the people we are and want to be. Having a baby is going to be so magical, and the process has already been, but it doesn't mean we have to move out to the suburbs right away, never see our friends, or give up late nights with friends. Once I realized this, it was a lot easier to feel great about having a little fetus inside of me. So what is the perfect age to have a baby? I don't want you to hate me, but I truly think there is no right answer here. Sure, there are circumstances where some might think you're too young or too old. However, aside from health and financial stability, you need to be mentally ready. Ready to be a mom and set aside your needs for your baby. But this doesn't mean you have to leave behind who you are. It's scary starting a family and venturing out into this land you've yet to explore. You don't know what's to come or what you'll have to cut out from your life. Just know it's okay to let being a mom be your role and change you, but it doesn't need to define you. Once you're able to feel that, you're ready in my opinion.


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© 2020 by Jessica Kunamalla